Of all the manifold ways a person can assess another the type, colour, style and state of their footwear is the most telling. In some countries having any footwear at all is a step up the ladder of luxury, but in the more developed world what's on your tootsies toots a trumpet call of recognition and labelling.

The point of shoes is to enable us to travel on foot with ease and comfort. Protection against the elements and rough ground underfoot are essential. Or are they? Even in Biblical times the enhancing effect of a sandal on a pretty foot were apparent - 'How beautiful are thy feet with shoes. O prince's daughter' Song of Solomon chvii vi - and of course Chinese ladies suffered feet binding to emphasise that they were not required to walk anywhere but were carried in a litter by servants.

Nowadays footwear is sold as fashion. The original purpose may now be skewed as the relentless pressure of advertising and from peer groups forces the public into a 'must have' mode. The word shoe is disappearing from the English language under these pressures. Young people do not possess shoes. They start with basic trainers, these are even available for infants, and move into work boots. Both trainers and work boots have a distinctive hierarchy. Trainers are frequently updated thus causing more pressure on the hapless consumer. Even to the extent of being mugged if wearing the latest trainer in town. Beginning life as a sports training shoe the trainer has now proliferated in numbers and styles into a bewildering range of options. There now appear to be trainers for every conceivable activity including conceiving. They come in a multitude of shapes and colours, with weird names and attachments. The only common factors are the increases in price and the manufacture taking place in Asia.

Trainers are loved by one and all because of their comfort and ease of use. However they have a serious flaw. Anyone with a houseful of young men will know what it is. Being of one substance, rubber, the soles do not allow for the passage of sweat which remains behind to grow ever more rancid and pungent. A pile of elderly trainers has the room clearance power of several antipersonnel grenades. Talk about the horror of chemical warfare.

Work boots have become even more of a fashion statement than trainers. At least most trainers are used for some sort of sporting purpose even if it's running away from a robbery. Boots on the other foot are like 4-wheel drive vehicles designed for the wild and for work, worn instead to the pub and in the high street. Along with Blue Jeans and Barbours work boots are the uniform of the modern man. Like trainers, boots have a hierarchy. Timberlands are tops; every other brand follows in their tread pattern. One of the more interesting facets of this fashion is the cross branding that has occurred. Caterpillar, a manufacturer of earth moving machines got involved in designing and selling a range of work boots, calling them 'walking machines', which have a tyre like tread pattern. Presumably these were originally aimed at the drivers of their vehicles but have now become high street favourites and are worn by many a white collar worker. So successful are they that, like Timberland, they have been cloned by a range of imitations. The lowest level of these imitations are so feeble that they can only be worn indoors without fear of damage. When worn indoors by a horde of 180lb young men the chunky tread pattern of these work boots will rip a stair carpet to pieces. The only answer is removal. In the long term smelly feet are more acceptable than threadbare carpets. These boots have overtaken the long standing favourites, Doc Martens. These boots and shoes, designed for use in factories and garages, are so comfortable and hardwearing that they became universal footwear. 18 holers, boots that almost reached the knee, became standard uniform for skinheads and producers of yoof programmes on the TV proudly wore the patent leather shoes. The soles of these Doc Martens are relatively smooth, this combined with their longevity makes them as popular with parents as with the wearers.

So modern westernised youth of both sexes is booted or trainered for all occasions. Even the British Army is coming round to the concept by inviting Timberland to tender for the new boot contract. as they can actually deliver hardwearing comfortable and above all waterproof boots. The shops are full of chunky boots and shoes. Clodhoppers with built up soles, massive straps, some working some vestigial and tread patterns of massive size throng the shelves. This footwear is so heavy it requires a course of workouts just to stand up it.

When you do that first flicker of the eyes over another person following the pattern of the old joke - Why did the Jew cross himself after being knocked down by a car? Just checking - Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch - you always take in their footwear.

Every thing may be hunky dory above the ankles but trainers with a formal suit or unpolished shoes or boots create a poor impression. There was a time when shoes were worn for elegance and not as a brute pose. Peter Cheyney, who wrote many successful crime novels in the 30's 40's and 50's, had a thing about strapless sandals. Not a great shoe for sipping champagne from but certainly great for setting of an ankle. Carpet slippers tend to be unsexy, especially the type worn by Andy Capp's wife Flo, but smoothies in London town now wear them monogrammed or covered in discarded kelims. Shine creates sex appeal and the more there is the better. The boots worn by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman are not known as 'Fuck Me Boots' for nothing. In the same way, patent leather shoes worn with male formal evening dress also add to the image of discreet elegant charm.

So shine your shoes, it could be good news!

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